Anyone who knows jack about baseball knows that the real Opening Day game can only take place with the Cincinnati Reds, and in their hometown. Of course, people in places like Boston don't believe this, but they already think they're the center of the known universe anyway, so why listen to them? (And don't even get me started on New York City.)
I remember in the fourth grade, when I delivered papers for The Cincinnati Enquirer. If I got five new customers, I got two tickets to that glorious annual event. This prize was considered an acceptable excuse to get out of class, which I did. Dad and I went, and a good time was had by all. There I was at the old Crosley Field, a place I'll never forget. I even remember when the organ played "My Old Kentucky Home," and a few older people from across the river stood up with reverence from their seats. And then there were the best hot dogs I ever tasted...
Anyway, back to the present. Mayor Mark Malloy threw the first pitch -- if you can call it that. The Enquirer provides his ten excuses as to why it was so bad. Meanwhile, a more believable scenario follows starring Abbott and Costello, passed along by our fellow-Catholic Dad at Kyrie Eleison.
From the folks at Jibjab.com.