Wednesday, July 09, 2008

Obligatory Self-Indulgent Rant

I'm pissed off today. I should be ashamed of the reason, and eventually I will be. Probably by the time you read this.

A local Catholic personality was recently featured in the religious press, and to read it, you'd think they were the next Mother Teresa. Well, I've had some dealings with this person. They'd make a better Cardinal Richelieu. But you can't tell the rest of the world that, including no small number of Catholic bloggers and blog readers. If you're reading this, that probably means you. And I've got just enough sense (which I realize isn't saying much) not to expose them.

I don't want to expose them. I want them to go away.

My attitude is a breeding ground for the sin of envy, one of the short list of seven deadly sins. There's a reason they call them "deadly." Something always dies when they happen.

I should be happy for the rest of the world, for whatever good this person has done for others, despite my being the victim of... well, their less admirable talents. If all good things serve the greater glory of God, then the person doing good is a mere instrument of His, and their achievement is no credit to them. Envy also has a collateral effect. It makes you focus so much on the good fortune of others, that you forget the possibilities for yourself, whether to allow God to work through you, or just to be plain damn happy. After all, if God can raise Sons of Abraham from the stones of the earth, He can always find someone else to do the heavy lifting, rather than rely on those who reject Him.

You would think by now that I'd know, that what goes around comes around. I've lived long enough to see how the mighty have fallen. The ones of which I'm aware all have one thing in common; no one else had to do them in, as they were their own worst enemies. All their great achievements, all the accolades heaped upon them -- all was for naught at the end of the day.

It is possible to speak the truth and live a lie. Even for the most clever and conniving among us, the lie is eventually found. If the misguided soul is lucky, it is found in this life. If it waits for the next one, it's a little late for redemption. I am not unaware that I might even be due for such exposure. Most of us are, if we're really honest about ourselves. And on the Last Day, when all who have existed face the General Judgment of the Almighty, we will see ourselves -- to say nothing of each other -- as we truly are.

I'm overdue for going to confession anyway.

1 comment:

Alberto Hurtado said...

I doubt you are truly envious. I will say this: I have experienced the feeling you have felt many a time before. Take comfort in the fact that their exposure is probably fair less than your imagination would make you think. And God always brings out the greater good, even if the Not-so-just (not-so-holy) etc. seem to be getting out ahead.

Take the view of the monks from atop Monte Casino. How truly small the things and problems of this world are! :)