While I was away...

Oh, mirror in the sky
What is love?
Can the child within my heart rise above?
Can I sail through the changing ocean tides?
Can I handle the seasons of my life?

Well, I've been afraid of changing
'Cause I've built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Even children get older
And I'm getting older, too

(-- from Landslide, by Stevie Nicks)

I suppose there is some truth to the phenomenon known as the "midlife crisis." If nothing else, I could blame it all on that.

I was on a leave of absence from my job for over a month. I used most of the time to clean out my place. There I was, with enough stuff for a one- to two-bedroom unit, situated in a studio apartment. The task became a metaphor of my life these days.

In the time I was away, I had to deal with some changes in that life -- taking a hard look at my career and where it was all going, the painful parting of the ways with a dear friend (for whom I still pray to this day), the facing of my son's challenges in coming of age in a "broken home." All in all, there was the sad reality that, in refusing to carry the Cross, it was the Cross that found me. I sank into a deep despondency, a "dark night of the soul," if you will. There were friends who were ready to take me to the hospital. No, I said, I have things to do. I made excuses.

But it was, at all places, the National Wanderer Forum (where I served again as sacristan and liturgical co-master of ceremonies) that I found people who offered consolation, and prayed over me.

I still go zydeco dancing. Can't seem to shake it loose. I got a new guitar, a Fernandes Nomad, Standard Model, in black. This is my first solid-body electric I've owned since I was a kid. But this one has a built-in amplifier/speaker. When I don't have a partner at dances, I pull out my guitar and jam with the band from the dance floor. Somebody told me the other day, of how the late blues guitarist Stevie Ray Vaughn used to do the same thing.

I could do worse. (Pictures to come.)

The other day, I went to the hotel where the American bishops were having their annual meeting, and had lunch with representatives of the Boston-based group known as the Voice of the Faithful. There was a gentle meeting of hearts and minds, a frank and honest exchange of views, and an admission that things got way out of hand in the process of breaking new ground as an organization. With some disagreement apparent within the leadership ranks (at least it seems that way to me) over where to go from here, I was able to shed some light on how they might best address the issues of clerical sexual abuse, within the bounds of Catholic teaching and practice. I have no idea whether what I had to say will make any difference.

That encounter aside, I have paid little attention to the meeting.

Nor, for that matter, have I paid much attention to much else, least of all in the blogosphere. Upon my return, I see where some writers have combined efforts into a single site. I can see this being the wave of the future for some, especially since it provides for more variety and livelier exchange at each site. The various pundits can respond to one another, just as in the days of the more erudite e-mail discussion lists.

But for the time being, I'll remain on my own here. I'll keep an eye out for things, commenting on the state of the world from time to time. But other than that...

Stay tuned.