"If you dig a hole deep enough, everybody will want to jump into it."

That sage advice from The Firesign Theatre still rings true today. And you thought I never missed the 60s. Actually, in our house, it was all the old man could do to get past the 50s, so the 70s were a really rude awakening...

But, I digress.

The above maxim would seem to apply to yesterday's so-called "March for Women's Lives." Never mind that roughly half of all abortions take the lives of female infants, and never mind that there are still several hundred deaths a year through legal abortions (you know, the ones without coat hangers). I went to the March, of course, but as one of the counter-demonstrators. I found a group of pro-life college kids wandering the streets in search of a leader, so I bid them to join me. We managed to number about a dozen or more, as we entered into the crowds headed for the parade line. We were met by a group of hairy guys in drag, with some equally butt-ugly women, who confronted us with an angry rhyme about what a bunch of "hatemongers" we were. One guy took to high-stepping, nearly hitting me in the face more than once. Had I not been carrying my walking staff, I might have been tempted to... well, he got off easy.

I met some prelates of the Charismatic Episcopal Church, and some Priests for Life. But most of the time, I was with a young mother and her children and friends who came all the way from Maine, obstensibly for a vacation. I treated the kids to bottled water. We stood behind the barricades, surrounded by DC Police and US Marshals, who kept a close eye on us to make sure we didn't bomb anyone.

The crowds taunted us, even the children. Several older people told the young children that "your parents are brainwashing you" or "learn to think for yourselves." Apparently being with a decided minority was insufficient evidence of the latter. Oh, and my personal favorite, to an eight-year-old boy: "You should learn to use condoms and take responsibility for yourself." Gee, thanks, Grandma. But when one old crone decided to pick on one of the girls, I just had it: "Hey, lady, pick on someone your own age." She must have thought I meant me, as she proceeded to tell me what I could do with my... er, uh, manhood.

Obviously I reminded her of some Don Juan who jilted her in her misguided youth.

Anyway, the Washington Post (in typical knee-jerk fashion) made the event out to be one of the biggest marches in recent history, even though estimates ranged from 800,000 down to 400,000, and the other guys with the March for Life manage to produce that big of a crowd every year.

But the most memorable moment for me came, when a young lady with a video camera asked me to assist them for a documentary of the March. Apparently they wanted to appear balanced or something like that. I thought about what the Orthodox feminist/matushka Frederica Mathews-Green would have said, and gave a statement on how abortion involves women being pressured by men when their backs are against the wall, and how most of those who profit from the act are also men. I told of how women deserved better. I also had to give a disclaimer on-camera, "allowing the use of my statement and likeness for this documentary or any such purpose that the producers see fit, even though I'll probably regret this after they quote me out of context and my mother sees this on the evening news..." The ladies seemed amused by me, and said my statement was very eloquent and among the best they had heard among those of my ilk.

Okay, so they were buttering me up. Obviously it worked.

Thank God somebody like ScrappleFace gave a balanced account of the event:

"Calling themselves the 'final generation' of abortion advocates, hundreds of thousands of women today packed the Mall in Washington D.C. to defend their right to prevent their views on abortion from being passed on to their children."

(Hey, wait, this gets better.)

Although several hundred thousand abortion rights supporters are expected to march in Washington D.C. this coming Sunday, a spokesman for The American Association of Aborted People (AAAP), a political inaction committee, said none of its 38 million members would participate in the protest march."

After all that hissy-fitting, I'm tanned, rested, and ready for the week ahead. Deo gratias.