Just when you thought you had me figured out...

...I got this letter today, from "Jeanne," who has news for me. She writes:

"I have news for you. The Bush administration is interested in fear fear fear. NOTHING ELSE. HE HAS DONE NOTHING FOR THE PRO LIFE AGENDA. War is not prolife, but anti life. He is doing terrorism against the middle eastern people. God loves them just as much as HE DOES US. He even loves Bin Laden."

First of all, sweetheart, the term "news" implies a message of substance. There is little here. At least Bush has yet to bomb an embassy in Eastern Europe using an outdated map. (That would be Clinton --- you know, Mr Cool who played the saxophone on MTV and didn't inhale.)

Oh, and God also loved Hitler, dear. But Hitler was surrounded by guys too clever to merely commandeer a jetliner and drive it into a tall building -- something Bin Laden won't stop bragging about. Big tip-off.

And another thing, Jeannie. Do you really think terrorism in the middle east wouldn't still be big business whether we stuck our nose in it or not? I'm the one with news for YOU, babe! It will keep right on going, as long as the sons of Isaac and the sons of Ishmael have to be next-door neighbors. Jerusalem -- "the city of peace" -- has known little throughout most of its history.

Nobody likes war, least of all those who risk their lives defending something worth dying for. If you're an American, that would include you. Even if it didn't, a war is a far cry from the murder of innocent unborn children. You see, guys in wars tend to shoot back at one another. That doesn't make it right, but sometimes it makes it even. Onthe other hand, unborn babies just scream while their skulls are being pinched with a surgical tool -- something your boy Kerry won't lose much sleep over.

I don't know where people get the idea that I'm an unqualified fan of President Bush, but he's certainly more sympathetic to the plight of the unborn than Kerry. This despite the long history of the Bush family's support of Planned Parenthood. (Didn't think I knew about that, huh?) This goes back to his granddaddy Prescott. Oh, by the way, real Texans don't name their boys Prescott. Not if they don't want the crap beat out of them in school. That's how you can tell that the Bush family is no more Texan than... well, me!

But that's another story. Keep those cards and letters coming, kids. I read every single one of them.