"I read the news today, oh boy..."

•  It's a California thing, right? Michael Jackson's lawyer said Tuesday that the pop star is going to be more careful from now on and not let children into his bed anymore because "it makes him more vulnerable to false charges." So, that's what they call "reasonable doubt."

•  Wow, this is more cool than playing cops and robbers! A five-year old boy in Raipur, India, reports to the police station every morning to do filing and serve tea. It seems that when government employees die while in service, a family member can take over their job. His most notable achievement to date has been learning to sign his name for endorsing his paycheck. (Courtesy UPI)

•  I told you never to call me here!!! The president of Indonesia was addressing a group of farmers and fishermen in a little town, when he gave them his cell phone number to call with any concerns they might have. The meeting was immediately broadcast nationwide, and within minutes his phone was inundated with messages.

•  When once is not enough... A woman in Bethlehem, PA, recently won a million dollars in the state lottery -- for the second time in five months. (Courtesy UPI)

•  We'll always have Paris -- both of them. Paris Hilton has told Newsweek that she's staying out of the public eye for two years, to devote herself to family life with fiance Paris Latsis. "I don't enjoy going out anymore... It's such a pain. It's everyone saying, 'Let's do a deal! Can I have a picture?' I'm just, like, 'These people are such losers. I can't believe I used to love doing this.'" So, following you around makes them losers, which makes you...

(From the wires of the Associated Press, unless otherwise noted.)