“I read the news today, oh boy ...” (St Blaise Edition)

We've got a fully-featured segment for this not-just-another-manic-Monday. The Super Bowl may be over, but Uncle Jay explains how the news is pretty much like the NFL every day, except without Bruno Mars in the middle. (By the way, "constituents" is misspelled.)

Meanwhile, elsewhere on planet Earth:

• Speaking of being a good sport, remember when the Houston Astrodome, not to mention astroturf, was all the rage? Well, the fake grass may be gone, but the stadium is still with us, but what do we do with something that was abandoned well before its shelf life ran out? [Gizmodo]

• There may not be a fourth segment to the "Back To The Future" saga, but they might make a musical out of it. Wonder how they'll handle the hoverboard chase scene. [ITV News]

• Have you ever wondered how much snow it would take for school to be closed? It depends on where you live, and if you click on the map, you can find out where the line is drawn in your neck of the woods. (In the Nation's capital, by the way, depending on which end of town, it's anywhere from one to three inches.) [The Atlantic]

• Elsewhere on the schoolhouse beat, in Utah, they're throwing away kids' lunches because the parents didn't keep up the payments. One says no one told them. The school says they sent notices out the wazoo. It's Utah. Kids are going hungry. Oh, the humanity! Film at eleven. [Fox News]

• Meanwhile, officials in Illinois are cracking down on the illegal sale of cupcakes by eleven-year-old girls. Someone has to send these miscreants a message. [The Blaze]

• Jon Stewart interviews former House Speaker Nancy Pelosi about the Affordable Care Act. The woman who said that they had to pass the bill to see what was in it can't explain what's in it, nor is she responsible for its not working out as planned. Just what the hell IS she responsible for? [Hot Air]

• Congressman Henry Waxman has announced his retirement. There was dancing in the streets of Southern California, until they found out who was thinking of running to take his place. [Politico]

• That's not the only case of someone desperate enough to run for Congress. Here's a guy going for the goal in four different states. What if he wins all of them? Hmmm ... [CNN]

• Finally, in the wake of the Super Bowl last night (and speaking of the Astrodome), we listen to a discussion about whether it is right for cities to spend public money on stadiums for the National Football League franchises, especially when over half of the team owners are ranked on the Forbes billionaire list. [Reason.TV]

And that's all the news that fits. As the week goes on, stay tuned, and stay in touch.