"I read the news today, oh boy..."

From the wires of the Associated Press, as well as various unmentionable sources, proving once again that fact is stranger than fiction:

• Despite pressure from People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA), the town of Slaughterville, Oklahoma will not be changing its name to Veggieville. This despite a promise of $20,000 in veggie burgers to the local school district. Yum, that's good eatin.'

• The newest receptionist at Carnegie Mellon University is a robot. "Valerie the Roboceptionist" was created by the computer science department, and is programmed with her own personality, as well as the ability to give directions talk about the weather, or on the telephone.

• In San Francisco, people have been gathering to cheer the hundreds of same-sex "marriages" that have taken place -- not realizing that if the union cannot be consummated, it can be eligible for a civil annulment. And they think Catholic annulments are easy!

• In response to Bravo TV's "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy," a makeover program where five gay men try to change the world, one straight man at a time, Comedy Central has come out with "Straight Plan for the Gay Man." In this regular parody, a team of four manly men (the fat guy is the fashion expert) offer gay men advice about fitting into the straight world. It's pretty lame, but hey, it had to happen sooner or later.

• Last year, the Census Bureau reported that nearly one American in five speaks a language other than English at home.

• Forbes Magazine has released its annual list of billionaires. Among the newest members are "Harry Potter" author J K Rowling. Most of the rest on the list are aging white males. Duh...

• Actor Dustin Hoffman will replay his rush to the Methodist church featured in 1967's "The Graduate," for a car commercial in which he stops his daughter's wedding. This time he and the bride rush off in a 2005 Audi.

And finally...

• The city of Akron, Ohio, may one day lead the way, not only in rubber tires, but in tracking down stray cats. In a proposal before the city council, 1,000 of the little critters would be fitted with electronic implants that would help identify their owners. The city must cough up a ten thousand dollar fur ball to finance the deal. Stay tuned...