“I read the news today, oh boy ...” (St Peter Celestine Edition)

Apparently if you have a lot of money, you're a corporate lackey mooching off corporate welfare and corrupting the political process at the expense of working families, unless you give to "the good guys," in which case you're just the kind of lackey we need to "fundamentally transform America." Or something.

Meanwhile, elsewhere on planet Earth:

• If you're looking for a second home in the hills of eastern Europe, the perfect hideaway is waiting for you, and you get to keep its famous telephone number: TRansylvania 6-5000. [Gizmodo]

• One of the drawbacks to the zombie apocalypse (or an electromagnetic pulse bomb set off over the United States by North Korea) is being able to turn the lights back on again, in which case you'll want this resource handy. You'll want to get it in hardcover, as opposed to the Kindle edition. [Scientific American]

• In 1967, a British astronomer was left stunned by mysterious pulsing signals she detected coming from outside the solar system. Then everybody sort of forgot about it when the New York Mets won the World Series. That was a long time ago, of course, and now those pesky voices are back. [The Daily Mail]

• Rubik's Cube is forty years old this week, and guess who has to get in on the act. [Gizmodo]

• A school lunch lady in Sweden has been told that her board of fare is too good for the students, and that she has to cut back on her culinary prowess. A spokesman for Michelle Obama could not be reached for comment, but did confirm that a trip to Sweden by the First Lady is being planned. [Huffington Post]

• A group of graduating high school seniors is attempting to pull off the ultimate prank by putting their high school on the market. They say you can get anything on Craigslist these days. Or maybe it's eBay ... [KOAM-TV]

• Finally, if you're one of the lucky few who paid Virgin Atlantic a gazillion dollars for one flight in low Earth orbit, and just when you thought money could buy anything, there's some paperwork to fill out. [Gizmodo]

And that's all the news that fits. As the week goes on, stay tuned and stay in touch.