“I read the news today, oh boy ...” (Dad’s Birthday Edition)

This writer's father, Paul Andrew Alexander, would have turned eighty-nine years old today. This video clip is a scene from a parish Oktoberfest outside of Cincinnati, Ohio, in October of 2010. He passed into eternity in February of 2012. Requiescat in pace.

And now, back to our regular programming.

I don't know about the rest of you, but I was pretty excited when they unveiled the Apple Watch (or “iWatch” as it's been called). But unlike the new iPhone 6 (which I'm getting the minute it's available), the iWatch doesn't actually exist, and won't for at least several more months. It'll probably cost more than my phone, but for my sixtieth birthday, I'm probably worth it. As you can see, Stephen Colbert is pretty jazzed about it too.

Meanwhile, elsewhere on planet Earth:

• Until the “iWatch” actually exists, we can at least hear from the privileged few who got to wear one for five minutes, which is still pretty good for something that doesn't exist yet. [Gizmodo]

• Someone once said it: “In one hundred years, we have gone from teaching Latin and Greek in high school, to teaching remedial English in college.” It does make you wonder … [Mental Floss]

• David Letterman has a few burning issues of his own, like the fact that the band can't play any songs by The Eagles on his show. Is that any way to treat some clown who's used to getting his way all the time? I think not!!! [Ultimate Classic Rock]

• In an illustration of how you just can't please some people, Facebook went from forcing more than giving us more than fifty choices of "gender" to making us use our real names. Or something. [Gigaom]

• If you saw the movie “Jurassic Park” you've probably been wondering ever since if you could outrun a Tyrannosaurus rex; you know, just in case one should ever be created in a lab somewhere and get loose. It could happen. Really. [HowStuffWorks]

• Does anyone remember these commercials from twenty years ago? Let's all go into the past for a look at the future, because hey, we're in the future right here in the present. (That almost made sense.) [Vox]

• And speaking of the future, we presently have this new “Utopia” show that is actually more like a dumb dystopia, but obviously that's the point. [Paleofuture]

And that's all the news that fits. As the week goes on, stay tuned, and stay in touch.
 

“I read the news today, oh boy …” (Mary’s Birthday Edition)

There are more exciting things than watching the grass grow. One of them is watching crayons being made, as we provide yet another excuse for a GIF animation.

Meanwhile, elsewhere on planet Earth:

• There is what people say, and what people mean when they say it. Here is a list of fourteen such veiled comments. [Thought Catalog]

• Speaking of falling for something, there is a new phenomenon on the internet, and her name is “The Food Babe.” This attractive woman appears to know something about what goes into your food, and she can even make dihydrogen monoxide sound bad for you. [Forbes]

• Once there was a psychologist whose science experiments on his own children were considered unethical. Nowadays some children don't wait for that to happen. [Reuters via MSN]

• It sounds like an urban legend, but a Great Dane underwent surgery to have 43 1/2 socks removed from his stomach. Maybe he was saving that last half-sock for a nightcap. One thing's for sure, if you watch the video, you'll see the story had a happy ending. [The Oregonian]

• In a related story, an Indiana judge has ordered an attorney not to appear again in court without wearing proper attire, which would appear to include -- you guessed it ... [AP]

• In other potentially scary outcomes (depending on from which side of Hadrian's Wall you hail), the vote of Scotland to separate from the United Kingdom leaves vexillologists and vexillophiles the world over wondering the same thing. [Gizmodo]

• Meanwhile, on the other side of the aforementioned wall, somebody may have found Jack the Ripper. [The Daily Mail]

• Somewhere is a list of what purports to be the fifteen most loved or hated bands of the last thirty years, depending on where you went to college, what year you graduated, and to which college clique you belonged. [Salon]

• Finally, today is the birthday of the Blessed Virgin Mary, which is a pretty big deal in the Philippines, especially the exotic city of Cebu. Note the priest wearing blue vestments, and the altar servers wearing blue tunics, an indulgence that Mother Church has historically granted to the Spanish colonies (past and present). [Cebu Daily News]

And that's all the news that fits. As the week goes on, stay tuned, and stay in touch.
 

“I read the news today, oh boy ...” (Labor Day Edition)

There was a time when Chuck Todd was a decent reporter -- oh yes, there was a time -- but in this clip, he is less a reporter than he is a propagandist, and not a very good one at that. He would have us believe that what women voters really want, is free and unlimited access to abortion and birth control. After all, what else are women good for, if not the things for which they would demand free and unlimited … oh, wait, do tell us again about the "war on women."

Meanwhile, elsewhere on planet Earth:

• Speaking of entitlements for half the human race, get ready for your kids to inundated with more television coverage of female problems (that our fathers and grandfathers never had to so much as think about). [Chicks on the Right]

• Last week, we reported on science kits that came with uranium. But wait, there's more flirting with danger from back in the day. [Gajitz]

• In other science news, it would appear that all the blue-eyed people are part of a single master race after all, or at least have a common ancestor, which is kinda the same thing, right? [ScienceDaily]

• Turning now to the business world, the former CEO of the nation's largest supermarket chain thinks his salary was "ludicrous." Ironically, if he were appointed by the President to a high government position, he would take a pay cut. [The Cincinnati Enquirer]

• And speaking of ludicrous, Miley Cyrus is demonstrating her solidarity with the homeless by dating one of them. Too bad there were no reference checks, since it's definitely a move down in the world for him. [Independent Journal Review]

• Be the above as it may, somebody's being more careful these days, especially if they ride a bike that no one can steal when it's locked without defeating the plan. [Gajitz]

• Finally, Jon Stewart is really confused about the internet, so he gets schooled on it by some guy from MIT. [Gizmodo]

And that's all the news that fits. As the panama hat is put away, and the Black Hat once again taken out of mothballs, stay tuned, and stay in touch.
 

“I read the news today, oh boy ...” (Philippine National Heroes Day Edition)

Last Wednesday, New Jersey governor and kinda-sorta-presidential hopeful Chris Christie took on a challenger in a townhall-style meeting, to discuss one of the burning issues of our time. You can agree or disagree with the man on one thing or another, but you can't deny that you know exactly where he stands on an issue, that right or wrong he'll tell you why, and that he could whoop anybody's @$$ in a presidential debate. Now, given that no president is ever able to keep every promise he makes, how bad could that be?

Meanwhile, elsewhere on planet Earth:

• Science marches on, as Google's experimental “autonomous car” is programmed to go over the speed limit to make it safer. Obviously it won't hit anybody ... or will it? [Gizmodo]

• Moving our science news forward into the past, it was possible back in the 1950s for a kid to purchase an “Atomic Energy Kit” complete with four different types of uranium ore. Oh, and a geiger counter, just to be safe. [Gajitz]

• And speaking of trends, here's some great news for all you fellas who miss the pop culture and haute couture of the 80s and 90s. “Mom jeans” are making a comeback. [Answers]

• In the first of three (slightly) related stories, is the United States of America the most freedom-loving country in the world? It depends on what you mean by “freedom,” or whether you confuse that term with “license.” [Capitalism Is Freedom]

• Second, in taking a closer look at America, what are the most corrupt among the several States? [Fortune]

• Third, What is the value of, say, one hundred dollars, relative to each state? [The Huffington Post]

• Finally, the renowned actor Patrick Stewart officially ends the Ice Bucket Challenge! We can all stop dumping ice water on our heads, as the star of Star Trek and X-Men wins the challenge. No more nominations, no more wet clothes, just one check for an undisclosed amount of money. (Aside from the support of the ALSA for embryonic stem cell research, it was getting a little annoying anyway.) [N/A]

And that's all the news that fits. As the week goes on, stay tuned, and stay in touch.
 

“I read the news today, oh boy …” (Battle of Globe Tavern Edition)

You may remember our Friday feature on Noah “The Apparently Kid” Ritter, who made his debut on live television be telling the world he had never been on live television before -- never, ever. The story, and his precociousness, went totally viral. Here the saga (and his fifteen minutes of fame) continues, shortly before the world forgets about him and moves on to something else.

Speaking of which, here's what's going on elsewhere on planet Earth:

• Finally, a diet guaranteed to help you beat jet lag, and it doesn't include a little bag of peanuts. [Lifehacker]

• Where will you be when the lights go out? (Read the comments. Some of them are half-way intelligent, and will make the possibility less likely. Thought you'd like to know. [Hot Air]

• City councilman, former DC mayor, convicted felon, and Eagle Scout (no kidding!) Marion Barry owes hundreds of dollars in parking tickets, but he's certainly going to pay them when he gets around to it, secure in the knowledge that his car will never be towed until then. Meanwhile, he's here thinking: “The b**** set me up!” [WTTG-TV]

• Here it is, the latest entry in the “Dude-Where’s-My-Flying-Car” saga. [Gajitz]

• Is there still a place in the world for libraries? Some people seem to think so, and here are ten possibilities. Maybe you can try one of them, if you ever land an old-style phone booth at a public auction. [Oddee]

• You may think you understand the Star Wars saga, but you are about to be proven wrong. [Tickld]

• Finally, the NFL franchise in Washington is under a lot of pressure to change its name from what is considered a prejorative for Native Americans, although it is not so well known that even Native Americans themselves are divided on the issue. You might also be surprised to learn that the logo itself was designed by a Native American, although that version of the truth is probably not on the table right now. [Hot Air]

And that's all the news that fits. As the week goes on, stay tuned, and stay in touch.
 

“I read the news today, oh boy ...” (Perseid Meteor Shower Edition)

Hardly a week goes by without reports of bad news coming out of Africa, whether it's one group of thousands being massacred for being a little different from another group of thousands, or a group of thousands somewhere else starving to death.

But what if they could be self-sustaining? What if they could successfully grow their own crops?

Well, that's gonna be a problem for the Chosen People, if you listen to Secretary of State and former disgraced military veteran John Kerry. We've got to save the planet from what Margaret Sanger called "the mongrel races," so that the (mostly white) one percent can continue to live with their big-@$$ carbon footprints that step all over the plebian classes who must remain to serve them. That sound about right to you, John-boy?

Meanwhile, elsewhere on planet Earth:

• Who would guess that a certain daughter would grow up with a sense of entitlement, as in, "accidentally" kicking another girl as "Lollapalooza." The whole thing was settled amicably. Uh huh, sure it was. [The Daily Caller]

• Then there are the moments when a sense of entitlement produces much different results, as some mama's little boy found out the hard way at Burger King. Guess who didn't have it his way. [KRCR-TV]

• This writer cannot remember the last time he got a speeding ticket in Virginia. And to think that Pennsylvania was bad enough, and New Jersey, even worse. [Jalopnik]

• And speaking of cautionary tales, there may be reasons why the tail end of the baby boom generation should all be dead by now. [Flashbak]

• And now, on to the outer frontiers of science, as we discover a sixteen-year-old girl who uses banana peels to reduce pollution. [San Francisco Globe]

• Finally, science marches onward, as you too can learn how to bend water. Once again, it's not magic, dammit, it's SCIENCE! [Gizmodo]

And that's all the news that fits. As the week goes on, take a look at the stars at night. Other than that, stay tuned, and stay in touch.
 

“I read the news today, oh boy ...” (Canadian Generic Civic Holiday Edition)

At least this little spat was broadcast on the evening news for one of the "Big Three," in this case, ABC. Congressman Tom Marino (R-PA) refutes certain claims made by the opposition, including at the expense of former Speaker and current Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D-CA). If you watch the bottom of the video towards the end, she obviously doesn't take it very well, as she violates protocol to cross the aisle and go crazy on the Gentleman from Pennsylvania (which ABC describes as "chasing" him). Good times. (There's more exciting video coverage, with post-action commentary, to be found here.)

Meanwhile, elsewhere on planet Earth:

• If you went to Catholic high school in the 1970s, it was common for the girls to hike up their skirts a couple of inches once they left the house. Of course, the freshman girls were always the worst, weren't they, the little skunks? And then there are the yearbook photos, and a chance to practice "custody of the eyes." Good luck with that, by the way. [Flashbak]

• We've been devoting some time to the recent mainstream exposure of “Weird Al” Yankovic. Now that he's become respectable (and in serious danger of overexposure), he's being interviewed by someone other than Rolling Stone. [The Guardian]

• Speaking of trying to stop something, you know how a song gets stuck in your head (and right now for yours truly, it's one of Weird Al's), and you can't get it out? Help is on the way. [Gizmodo]

• In the Philippines, the use of two first names (Maria Clara, for example) and the mother's maiden name as surname follows the old Spanish convention. One's full name can become quite elaborate depending on one's identification with lineage. And then there's this guy. [FilipiKnow]

• Not to be outdone by the Korean one-hit wonder, leave it to Japanese businessmen to come up with the latest dance craze. [CNS News]

• Finally, at a time when the First Lady has nothing better to do but tell us what we should and shouldn't be eating, here's a reminder of American culinary delights gone by. [Inquisitor]

And that's all the news that fits. As the week goes on, stay tuned, and stay in touch.
 

“I read the news today, oh boy …” (Rudy Vallée’s Birthday Edition)

Today is the 113th birthday of the original teen pop idol, Rudy Vallée, who introduced the "crooner" style of singing (that is, not loud enough to hear without a microphone or megaphone) to the world, and to the recording industry. This is a scene from the 1929 film “Glorifying The American Girl” wherein he sings “I'm Just A Vagabond Lover.”

Meanwhile, elsewhere on planet Earth:

• The State of California plans to have four governors in four days. Maybe it's a trial run for the prospect of splitting the state into five states, an issue on the ballot in two years. (Yeah, good luck with that one.) [AP]

• Elsewhere in California is a couple who are in a no-win situation. They should just pay the City of Glendora the five hundred bucks up front and get it over with. [Newser]

• Speaking of raising the dead, have you ever missed the websites of days gone by? Yes, the internet's been around just long enough for us to reminisce. Here are seven reasons that come to mind. [Gizmodo]

• It seems that yet another town out West is for sale, this time in Wyoming. It has a bar, a general store, a restaurant, even a post office -- and maybe a few disadvantages. [Gilette News Record]

• Finally, if yours truly were in Ohio at just the right time, he would actually stop by for this. There's no shame in being who you really are, even if it is … well, you know. [WBNS-TV]

And that's all the news that fits. As the week goes on, stay tuned, and stay in touch.
 

“I read the news today, oh boy …” (Stonewall Jackson Edition)

We have often highlighted the rapier wit and commentary of Jon Stewart in this Monday morning feature. We do the same today, except for watching Megyn Kelly rip it apart, as she lays bare the truth behind the Supreme Court decision on provision for contraceptive products in Hobby Lobby's employee health benefits plan. Watch for six minutes, and all shall be revealed!

Meanwhile, elsewhere on planet Earth:

• The big story? Archie Andrews was shot dead last week while saving his gay best friend who was a senator calling for gun control. Exit question? Who gets to choose between Betty and Veronica now? [International Business Times]

• A seven-year-old girl may indeed be "daddy's little princess," and every once in a while, somebody's daddy takes this to heart. In this case, he'd better have an army. [The Telegraph]

• MSNBC lays yet another sizable egg, complete with the usual lambasting in the twittersphere. [Twitchy]

• "I used to be a big supporter of the streetcar until I started riding it every day." Well, boo hoo! [Small Dead Animals]

• He only wanted ten dollars for ingredients to make potato salad, but a 31-year-old Ohio man has amassed four thousand supporters, and at least fifty grand via Kickstarter. He could've just called my Mom. [Reuters]

• In an unrelated story, authorities in New Mexico captured an inmate who was trying to break out of jail by hiding in ... [AP]

• Finally, on this day in 1861, at the First Battle of Manassas (that's Bull Run, for you Yankees), the unrelenting vigor with which Confederate General Thomas Jonathan Jackson held his position inspired a general nearby to rally his troops with the cry: “There is Jackson standing like a stone wall.” The rebel forces carried the day. [National Portrait Gallery, Smithsonian Institution]

And that's all the news that fits. As the week goes on, stay tuned, and stay in touch.
 

“I read the news today, oh boy …” (Saint Kateri Tekakwitha Edition)

We begin this week's Monday morning feature with what is ostensibly serious news, if it didn't involved House minority leader and former Speaker Nancy “We Have To Pass The Bill To Find Out What’s In It” Pelosi. She makes a number of blatant factual errors, which are called out by that goddess of the 24-hour news cycle, Megyn Kelly of the Fox News Channel, and from which she (Pelosi) has already backed away, by digging an even deeper hole trying to get out of it, than the one she dug trying to get in.

Meanwhile, elsewhere on planet Earth:

• There's a growing trend of commentators for professional sporting events doing candids of people in the crowd and making remarks about them. Usually it's a very attractive wife of a player, but I guess these guys had a little too much time on their hands. [NESN]

• Speaking of being on the job, how's that proposal for a four-day work week coming along? Anybody??? [CBS News]

• Either it was a clerical error, or the Selective Service System had a demand for zombies in the draft pool. Of course, if these guys had served already ... [Fox News]

• Someone once said that "the old days ain't what they used to be." And so we return to those thrilling days of yesteryear, whatever year (or decade) that was for you. [FiveThirtyEight]

• If you live in Sacramento, be careful watering the lawn with neighbors around. Wait for the middle of the night, unless they're out doing it. [KOVR-TV]

• Finally (and perhaps on a more serious note), this week's segment was almost called the "Bastille Day Edition." There's a reason why it was not. [Laudem Gloriae]

And that's all the news that fits. As the week goes on, stay tuned, and stay in touch.
 

“I read the news today, oh boy …” (Post-Fireworks Edition)

We've been hearing a lot these days about the War On Wimmins. Now one of the wimmins is tired of hearing about it. That's wimmin for ya! Can't live with 'em, and they can't … uh, never mind.

Meanwhile, elsewhere on planet Earth:

• "I say old boy, where do you hang out?" That's not a recent form of slang, but dates back to 1836 in Charles Dickens' The Pickwick Papers. OMG! (That's not new either. Did they have text messaging back then?) [The Guardian]

• Speaking of increasing learning, science has discovered a remedy that everyone can live it. I don't know; I think I'm going to have to sleep on it. [Minds.com]

• In Stevens Point, Wisconsin, a woman found new meaning to the excuse that "the dog ate my homework." [WAOW-TV]

• Want to go into business with a friend? Here are five questions to ask yourself, before you make the best or worst decision of your life. [Forbes]

• Finally, in beautiful Eau Claire, Michigan, they know the meaning of the old Midwestern expression, "spitting distance," and one family has a lock on it. [AP]

And that's all the news that fits. As the week goes on, stay tuned, and stay in touch.
 

“I read the news today, oh boy …” (End Of June Edition)

Vice President Joe Biden and his press secretary, Darren Criss, educate the public on shotgun use while politicians and pundits broadcast warnings of flying robots and spies. At least it certainly looks that way, thanks to the magic of The Gregory Brothers and their collaboration known as Schmoyoho, who "songify" the news to make it almost palatable.

Meanwhile, elsewhere on planet Earth:

• Some people think that putting "Euro stickers" on their cars makes them look well traveled. Others think it just makes them look obnoxious. One thing for certain, is that many who travel to exotic places this summer will need a refresher in how not to behave. [Slate]

• Every now and then, a story comes along where you have to believe there's more to the story than it being told. In this case, it also begs a question, as to why certain employees of the Environmental Protection Agency failed to at least submit an environmental impact statement before they, uh ... [Government Executive]

• The town of Swett, South Dakota, with a population of two, is up for sale. Get it now, before the wealth from the oil boom in North Dakota starts to spread south. [Rapid City Journal]

• Would you like weed with that? A Maryland woman who ordered a meal at a Sonic Corp fast-food restaurant got something extra with her French fries. Too bad she wasn't in Colorado. [Reuters]

And that's all the news that fits. As the week goes on, stay tuned, and stay in touch.
 

“I read the news today, oh boy ...” (Saint Etheldreda Edition)

If you want to know what a real news talk show looks and sounds like on television, watch Megyn Kelly of Fox News Channel pull no punches with former Vice President Dick Cheney and his daughter Liz Cheney. This includes him taking the hard questions like a man and not being a big crybaby, as in “Boo hoo, Fox News is picking on me again!”

Meanwhile, elsewhere on planet Earth:

• Today is the feast of Saint Etheldreda, a princess from East Anglia, England, who lived in the seventh century, and who is the patroness of widows and the University of Cambridge. Her intercession is called upon for ailments of the neck and throat. [SQPN]

• On the other hand, at a place other than planet Earth, the first humans to venture into outer space will most likely be the beneficiaries of a private endeavor, as opposed to an official government program, in which case they might be cited for trespassing. You have to wonder who will be there to write out the ticket. [Vice]

• And now, back to planet Earth for something equally exciting, featuring a guy wearing a suit filled with Mentos (the Freshmaker!) and dropped into a tank of Diet Coke. [Sploid]

• Finally, a young boy in Mississippi stepped up to the mic during a church’s Preschool Graduation, wasting no time singing his way through all of the books in the New Testament. And then ... [Country Music Nation]

And that's all the news that fits. As the week goes on, stay tuned, and stay in touch.
 

“I read the news today, oh boy …” (Whit Monday Edition)

If you're going to watch this clip of Stephen Colbert about that whole Bergdahl business, it helps if you don't take the news too seriously. Neither side of the issue is spared on this one. Not that deserting one's post isn't a serious thing, but so is support from the home front as a factor in an expedient conclusion to our involvement. How many of you planted victory gardens this past spring?

Don't all raise your hands at once. Meanwhile, elsewhere on planet Earth:

• The rebellious spirit that has made the Lone Star State what it is today lives on, as the "Come And Take It" flag made famous by the Battle of Gonzales, the birthplace of the Texas revolution, waves proudly from a treehouse that the city of Austin is trying to take down. [The Libertarian Republic]

• It's one of those stunts we might have pulled at Scout camp when we were kids, before telling the Scoutmaster it was in the name of science. What happens when you boil a bottle of Coke? [The Blaze]

• While driving from Arizona to Michigan, a 62-year-old man discovered his girlfriend was dead in the passenger seat, so he decided he wanted to keep driving. [KRMG Radio]

• We all know how protective a good father can be about his daughter, but what if the young man who needs to be taught a lesson … is her teacher? [BizPac Review]

• If anyone from Australia is reading this, please tell me why I would want to live there if all this stuff can kill me. [Answers.com]

• Finally, let's all welcome the Central Intelligence Agency to Twitter. Operating out of its headquarters in northern Virginia, the CIA has kept the world safe for (or from, depending on your point of view) democracy since 1947. [Hot Air]

And that's all the news that fits. As the week goes on, stay tuned, and stay in touch.
 

“I read the news today, oh boy …” (Pomp and Circumstances Edition)

A lot of the kids are graduating from college, high school, grade school, pre-school (huh?) right about now, so here's some inspiration for them in case they get a real loser for a commencement speaker like those poor kids in Topeka. Admiral William H McRaven, USN, Commander of the U S Special Operations Command, has some wisdom inspired by the Navy Seals for his alma mater, the University of Texas at Austin.

Meanwhile, elsewhere on planet Earth:

• John Tyler was President of these United States from 1841 to 1845, but his grandchildren are still alive today. You have to wonder how they pull it off. [Mental Floss]

• If you're wondering how many extra shots of expresso you need with that cup of high-priced joe in the morning, here's a concoction that will last for ... [The Washington Free Beacon]

• A man in Port Orchard, Washington, suspected of robbing a woman at a Washington ferry terminal, friended her on Facebook the next day. Creepy. [AP]

• You've seen those maps of the USA telling you how first names have changed over the years. It's only natural that you can now use them to tell a woman's age, which should either cut down on awkward moments, give up the game for women who don't want you to know, or all of the above. [FiveThirtyEight]

• Advanced safety and guidance features in automobiles once unimagined a decade ago are now standard, but "the final solution" is coming soon, courtesy of the folks at Google. Can you say "liability issues"? [Time]

• Finally, His Catholic Majesty King Juan Carlos of Spain (yep, they really call him that, and the Queen gets to wear a white mantilla for a papal audience) has abdicated his throne in favor of his son, Philipe. Americans are unaccustomed to monarchy, but it does have its place, even in this century -- believe it or not. [The Telegraph]

And that's all the news that fits. As the week goes on, stay tuned, and stay in touch.
 

“I read the news today, oh boy ...” (St Peter Celestine Edition)

Apparently if you have a lot of money, you're a corporate lackey mooching off corporate welfare and corrupting the political process at the expense of working families, unless you give to "the good guys," in which case you're just the kind of lackey we need to "fundamentally transform America." Or something.

Meanwhile, elsewhere on planet Earth:

• If you're looking for a second home in the hills of eastern Europe, the perfect hideaway is waiting for you, and you get to keep its famous telephone number: TRansylvania 6-5000. [Gizmodo]

• One of the drawbacks to the zombie apocalypse (or an electromagnetic pulse bomb set off over the United States by North Korea) is being able to turn the lights back on again, in which case you'll want this resource handy. You'll want to get it in hardcover, as opposed to the Kindle edition. [Scientific American]

• In 1967, a British astronomer was left stunned by mysterious pulsing signals she detected coming from outside the solar system. Then everybody sort of forgot about it when the New York Mets won the World Series. That was a long time ago, of course, and now those pesky voices are back. [The Daily Mail]

• Rubik's Cube is forty years old this week, and guess who has to get in on the act. [Gizmodo]

• A school lunch lady in Sweden has been told that her board of fare is too good for the students, and that she has to cut back on her culinary prowess. A spokesman for Michelle Obama could not be reached for comment, but did confirm that a trip to Sweden by the First Lady is being planned. [Huffington Post]

• A group of graduating high school seniors is attempting to pull off the ultimate prank by putting their high school on the market. They say you can get anything on Craigslist these days. Or maybe it's eBay ... [KOAM-TV]

• Finally, if you're one of the lucky few who paid Virgin Atlantic a gazillion dollars for one flight in low Earth orbit, and just when you thought money could buy anything, there's some paperwork to fill out. [Gizmodo]

And that's all the news that fits. As the week goes on, stay tuned and stay in touch.
 

“I read the news today, oh boy ...” (Saints Nereus, Achilleus, Domitilla V, and Pancras Edition)

There is one thing, and one thing only, that allows for the propaganda machine posing as a cable news channel known as MSNBC, any claim to being a credible source of reporting on current events. That would more often than not be former Congressman Joe Scarborough, who hosts “Morning Joe” every weekday, uh, morning. He excoriates the women who defended President Clinton, even as he took advantage of other women while Governor, and especially while President. (Mind you, Ms Lewinsky should have known better, even at the age of 22, but that's another story.) It sure is fun watching him go off.

Meanwhile, elsewhere on planet Earth:

• Each month, a woman in South Carolina continues to receive a benefits check from the government for her father's service to his country, which is unusual in at least one respect. [The Wall Street Journal]

• Speaking of getting things in the mail, some guy may or may not have ordered this, but some other part of the government will be contacting him soon. Go figure. [Gizmodo]

• This ad for a band to play a wedding had to be pulled from Craigslist. One can understand why, but a lot of musicians who play the local circuit can identify with its rather mature content. Just ask one. [Tickld]

• Something else with which to identify, is a study that concludes what millions of harried husbands have known all along. They just needed the data, and the veneer of credibility. Ladies, the next time he accuses you of this, he can back it up. [Time]

• Someone finally made the ultimate portable toolkit that its inventor claims can pass through airport security. [Indefinitely Wild]

• Finally, graphics standards manuals were the ultimate solution to yours truly while studying graphic design in college. You can see for yourself how life would be so much more orderly and serene (not to mention never get lost on the subway again), if only people would listen to the real professionals more often. [Gizmodo]

And that's all the news that fits. As the week goes on, stay tuned, and stay in touch.
 

“I read the news today, oh boy ...” (Cinco de Mayo Edition)

Former National Security Council spokesman Tommy Vietor was talking about Benghazi on Fox News, when he says to Bret Baier: “Dude, this was like, two years ago.” My son calls me "dude" and I slap him silly. Bret should have done the same to this empty suit.

Meanwhile, elsewhere on planet Earth:

• Speaking of things going wrong, have you ever wondered where Murphy's Law actually came from? [Gizmodo]

• I never understood the big deal about "high fructose corn syrup." It's sugar, and it comes from corn. It's not like it's artificial, right? Maybe all natural products should come with a list of ingredients. That oughta scare the bejeezus out of those tree-hugging trust fund hippie-dippie types. (Hey, I've got an idea …) [io9]

• Have you been looking for a book of rude hand gestures from around the world, and are tired of waiting for the Pope to come out with one? (You get the idea.) Well, wait no longer. [Amazon]

• Finally, the inventor of the Shangri-La Diet collapsed while hiking near his home in Berkeley, and died at the age of sixty, or thereabouts. Condolences go out to the family, of course, but one cannot help but note the irony. (Hey, I'm almost sixty. There but for the grace of God …) [Business Insider]

And that's all the news that fits. As the week goes on, stay tuned, and stay in touch.
 

“I read the news today, oh boy ...” (End-Of-April Edition)

It's still April, except on TV. May Sweeps started last week! Ratings stunts are everywhere, even on the news! Uncle Jay explains it all while he gets married, has a baby, welcomes guest Michelle Obama, changes jobs and dies.

Meanwhile, elsewhere on planet Earth:

• For every Cub Scout who ever wanted to rock the Pinewood Derby, science comes to the rescue. [Gizmodo]

• In an attempt the rally the troops (or maybe just mess with their heads), the CEO of a startup company issued a curious form of motivation ... [Fast Company]

• ... which is explained in more detail here. (CONTENT WARNING: Repeated F-Bomb Usage.) [Betashop]

• A tiny creek cuts across North America, joining two oceans, and splitting one continent. Betcha didn't know that. [22 Words]

• The people once known for their delicious game hens are now officially an ethnic minority in the United Kingdom. [The Independent]

• Finally, we look back on the many attempts by the city of Cleveland, Ohio, to keep itself weird, harkening back to that fateful day in 1986 when air traffic and motorists in northeastern Ohio got one big-@$$ surprise. [Gizmodo]

And that's all the news that fits. As the week goes on, stay tuned, and stay in touch.
 

“I read the news today, oh boy ...” (Easter Monday Edition)

Here's wishing you a Happy Easter, Passover, Earth Day, Patriots' Day, Take Your Kid To Work Day, Record Store Day and If You Feel Like A Room Without A Roof Day! Somewhere in all of that there MUST have been some actual news ... and Uncle Jay is finally, after yet another long and unscheduled hiatus, here to explain it!

Meanwhile, elsewhere on planet Earth:

• A lost child was found recently who was hiding in plain sight. You have to wonder what took them so long. [WOWT-TV]

• Another sports celebrity has made the courageous decision to confess to their sexual orientation. Either that or she just needs the attention. Or something. [The Daily Currant]

• A boy from Santa Clara, California, got a real bargain for a flight to Hawai'i, and he didn't even have to fly coach. [Reuters]

• Do Americans ever wonder what the rest of the world finds a bit odd about them? Probably not, because everybody wants to come live in America, not the other way around. Be that as it may ... [Tickld]

• Finally, if satellite photography can determine that “even the hairs of your head are all numbered” (Luke 12:7), then it was only a matter of time before that which has eluded the Scots for centuries was finally found. Probably. [Independent Journal Review]

And that's all the news that fits. As the week goes on, stay tuned, and stay in touch.