Things I Learned At The Movies: Part One

• When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.

• If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St Patrick's Day parade - at any time of year.

• The Chief of Police will almost always suspend his star detective - or give him 48 hours to finish the job.

• All grocery bags contain at least one stick of French Bread.

• It's easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is someone to talk you down.

• The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place - no one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building undetected.

• Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned to a partner who is their polar opposite.

• All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they are going to go off.

• A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.

• Cars that crash will almost always burst into flames.

• All telephone numbers in America begin with the digits 555.

(to be continued)