Wednesday, April 09, 2008

Plug This: June Cleaver After A Six-Pack

[We're back to our occasional series about members of "Saint Blog's Parish" whose work is up and coming, whether the rest of the huddled masses have the good sense to know it or not. And on that cheery note...]

Finally, a girl who doesn't need cheap tricks with Photoshop to show the rest of us a good time:

When I first saw this, I thought, oh great, the title's gonna be clever, and the rest of it will be a soccer mom snooze-fest. Then I started reading it. Hey, I can be wrong. It's just that it happens so rarely, even I get caught off-guard sometimes.

Cris (no last name, unless it really is "Cleaver") is from Woodbridge, Virginia, so we're practically neighbors. She is also "a IRISH Catholic homeschooling mom and an Air Force wife. I believe in children, marriage, friendships, family, laughter and prayer... and the occasional-OK, more than occasinal cocktail." I'll bet she was already hitting the hard stuff, or she wouldn't have misspelled "occasional" when it was already spelled right the first time. I like this gal's priorities. She's probably from Chicago originally, and not just because she roots for "Da Bulls," which endears her to this Midwesterner-in-exile even more. Or maybe that's her (undoubtedly blessed and truly devoted) husband. Same difference, okay?

That which is known as "the Catholic blogosphere" is waiting for the next Erma Bombeck. There are no small number of pretenders to the Septic Tank Throne out there. Our featured domestic diva not only writes well, she actually is FUNNY. None of this resorting to amateur stunts like photos of toddlers walking away with diapers falling off or wearing Mommy's Easter hat. Geez, I can do that with someone else's kids and none of you yokels out there would be the wiser. This girl's got some game. I just don't have the nerve to tell her why St Paddy's Day is not just for the Irish. She'd probably get her kids to toilet paper my front lawn in the middle of the night. My condo association would blame ME for it. And that would be bad.

But underneath the laughter, a complex creature emerges. Like all desperate housewives lost in suburbia, our heroine has a dream:

I just want to be able to clean the kitchen and have it stay clean for longer than 45 seconds. I just want to be able to wash only one head of hair a day (my own) and wipe only one butt a day (again, my own.) I want to be able to run to the store without packing luggage to go with me. I just want to be able to get through a check-out line without little people asking for candy and then screaming at the top of their lungs when the answer is no. I just want to get through one mother-loving day without listening to whining.

(sniff!) I have to stop typing for a minute. (pause of reasonable length, followed by sigh of relief) Okay, I'm back.

Not to be deceived by her great humor, our maven of the minivan is also thoroughly grounded in the Faith. You don't find deep theology like this just anywhere on the internet:

Sure, I pray to the Blessed Virgin for strength... but she only had one child and IT WAS JESUS CHRIST HIMSELF! I ask you, how difficult could He be? I bet He never asked his mother 21 questions after she got off the phone with the Maytag repair man. I bet He never asked for banana pudding and then changed His mind after two bites and cried for the chocolate pudding. I bet He never woke up his mother 3 times in the middle of the night for a glass of water, to go pee and to help Him find his baby doll that He can no longer find (which is laying right beside him). I bet He never once rolled his eyes at His mother or told her she was unfair and ruining His life!

Now, I ask you, could even a Jesuit with an attitude problem argue with reasoning like that?

Her blog includes a playlist, which cranks it up automatically upon viewing the site, and gives away her reasonably good taste in music. Oh, and if that's her in the center of the photo that I stole from her, she's really cute! (Go ahead and click on it. You know you want to.) But most worthy of note, is the thrill, the sense of great satisfaction, from having found a kindred spirit, in the place where one least expects it. Such discoveries are what makes the life of a self-appointed know-it-all so worthwhile. And it gives hope for the future of this promising medium.

Well, enough of this. I don't think she did too well in the CBAs this year (finishing 11th out of a gazillion in the "Funniest" category), but she did a lot better than yours truly. And she's in the running for the "Cannonball Awards" (also doing a lot better than... oh, whatever!). It's definitely a blog worth watching out for, from our lofty vantage point in The Land of the Black Hat. Now the rest of you know why.

Keep it up, Cris. (H/T to Mrs Darwin for the video.)


mrsdarwin said...

Ah, Enchanted. It serves two useful purposes in my house -- Darwin and I enjoy it, and so we don't mind seeing it over and over (my only standard for what I let my children watch), and it keeps the girls entertained for a long time so that I can clean up my house without the help of las cucarachas.

corrine said...

you know...i read most of her page already, she could easily be a candidate for someone i would havng out with just to hang out and chat. hilarious.