I wanna be this guy when I grow up!

Fred Reed is the type of curmudgeon who could ultimately become my model, my hero -- if only he would return my calls.

No, seriously, I've never called him. Hell, I never even heard of the guy, until Chris Ryland of Steubenville (southeastern Ohio's cultural mecca) brought my attention to Fred's commentary on the inevitable course of militant capitalism, entitled "The Suicide of Marlboro Man".

Now, I ask you, who can argue with reasoning like that?