“I read the news today, oh boy ...” (Return-To-Dodge-City Edition)

I was going to call it the "Cyber Monday Edition," but with internet shopping on the rise, the Monday following Thanksgiving is taking on less significance, and the reference is actually on the verge of becoming passé. And speaking of Thanksgiving, as we remember the fun we all had on such a blessed holiday, watch what this loser tried to pull off on hers. (Really? People actually fell for that "call to action" from the President?)

Meanwhile, elsewhere on planet Earth:

• Remember that waitress from New Jersey who got a Bible-thumping message instead of a gratuity because she was a lesbian? Or something? (What do they do, wear a sign?) Well, there's more to the story. Or, should we say ... less? [Hot Air]

• It starts out with redefining marriage as between two men or two women. Then there's a story about a marriage of a man and a woman. Find out how that's when it gets weird. [New York Post]

• Growing up in Ohio, I heard a joke about Toledo. Michigan and Ohio almost went to war over their border, and Ohio lost. Apparently it wasn't a joke. [Mental Floss]

• My son Paul opins: "Hi, I'm Jeff Bezos. Journalists are powerless to stop me as I 'drone' on and on about magical Silicon Valley billionaire fan fiction." It's come to this, people. [CBS News]

• Finally, in the spirit of Thanksgiving, someone asked a bunch of Britons to fill out a map of the United States by identifying the States themselves. Let's see how they did. (Certain references have been slightly altered to suit our discriminating audience.) [happyplace.somecards.com]

And that's all the news that fits. As the week goes on, stay tuned, and stay in touch.