“I read the news today, oh boy ...” (Septuagesima Monday Edition)

On Presidents Day, America shows its deep respect, with deep discounts! Uncle Jay explains our multi-Monday holiday traditions.

Or you can always go back to Bob Costas. Oh, wait, no you can't.

Of course, our title for this week refers to the start of the traditional pre-Lenten season (the term being Latin for "seventy days"), which in the tradition of the Roman Rite, goes for three Sundays prior to Ash Wednesday and the actual start of Lent (known in Latin as "Quadragesima" for "forty days." Duh!). Even the Eastern churches have a similar period before the "Great Fast." In some parts of the world (where they really know how to party), it signals the beginning of another pre-Lenten season -- Carnival!

Meanwhile, elsewhere on planet Earth:

• By now, you've heard that you can choose from up to fifty fake genders for your Facebook profile, in addition to the two real ones. Unfortunately, “It’s complicated” is not one of them. [AP]

• Speaking of complicated, everyone knows that only dead presidents are on the money. And so, Yahoo! reporter Chris Moody gets his just desserts for acting like a know-it-all. Wow, they sure showed him! [The Federalist]

• In a completely unrelated story, a woman in Fort Lee, New Jersey, is on the hunt for a mystery couple whose decade old wedding photos she found in a stolen camera. [WNYW-TV]

• At this halfway point in our report, you must be wondering, why do crocodiles paint their toenails red? The answer is, so they can hide in cherry trees. Science marches on! [Wired]

• Over at The Daily Show, they're making a lot out of certain political positions being awarded to people who would not ordinarily qualify for said position in real life (that is, outside of Washington), including the appointment of ambassadors to countries they'd be lucky to find on a map. Such patronage is not new, nor confined to incumbent Presidents of one party, but has been on the rise in recent years. Still, it's fun to watch rich people totally humiliate themselves. [Hot Air]

• In another tale of humiliation, we all know about people who wait in line for days to see a new movie, or get that new computer, or ... well, this guy's not wasting any time. (That reminds me, my two-year contract is almost up. If I leave now ...) [CNET]

• Among adult volunteers in Scouting, the debate lingers on as to why the boys can shoot arrows and rifles on Scout activities, but are not allowed to shoot paintballs. (This is what happens when lawyers bring the party down.) But alas, there is hope, in this latest excuse for a GIF animation, and an endless supply of rubber bands. [Fast Code Design]

• Finally, and in another report on emerging technology, it was said that once we started using computers, we wouldn't be using as much paper. Yours truly can attest to that from his own experience, but it would appear that a few more trees may need to be sacrificed for, of all things, the aforementioned emerging technology. [Gajitz]

And that's all the news that fits. As the week goes on, stay tuned, and stay in touch.

• THIS JUST IN: George Washington was NOT the first President of the United States (as yours truly was already aware), but the ninth! Seriously. [Mental Floss]