“I read the news today, oh boy ...” (Plough Monday Edition)

Are we a nation ruled by laws, or has our government been taken over by a group of modern-day marquis and baronettes who simply pretend to govern, while robbing us blind? Bill Whittle likens the recent "fiscal cliff" crisis to kabuki theater. Find out how one person come out on top of it in spite of everything, courtesy of Pajamas Media.

Meanwhile, elsewhere on planet Earth:

• Conventional wisdom (and what your mama told you) notwithstanding, money can indeed by happiness, and we've got the data to prove it. Or something. (The Atlantic)

• And speaking of what money can buy, here's proof that you can take some things with you, or at least have someone in the present life keep you updated. (The Telegraph)

• Next, we go from dying to refusing to die. A dog in Texas who was found shot in the head and face with a pellet gun, stuffed in a garbage bag and abandoned, was released from a veterinary clinic following eye surgery paid for by a Facebook campaign. Let's hear it for social media! (Montgomery County Police Reporter)

• In a non-related story on taking it with you, a man who drives his car into a pizza restaurant wants to order one to go while waiting for the ambulance. If I were him, I'd leave a really big tip. (KLKN-TV)

• And finally, can a man with a tattooed face contend for the Presidency? America may be a ways off, but the Czech Republic is about to find out. (If we didn't show you here, you wouldn't believe it.) (NBC News)

And that all the news that fits. As the week goes on, stay tuned, and stay in touch.
 

“I read the news today, oh boy ...” (First-Of-The-Year Edition)

Diane Feinstein, Mayor Bloomberg and Sam Donaldson self-righteously denounce guns. Also, did you know that porn allegedly hurts short term memory? Following a brief holiday hiatus, we have this and more from the folks at Pajamas Media.

Meanwhile, elsewhere on planet Earth:

• For those concerned about the loss of personal freedoms, and disregard for the rule of law and the Constitution, the town of Paragould, Arkansas, is off to a good start by imposing martial law. (CNN)

• Speaking of imposing, a Federal Government employee has been formally reprimanded for ... well, read for yourself. (Slate.com)

• Two robbers near Brisbane, Australia, tried to break into a jewelry store, and ended up at a KFC restaurant. Did they want fries with that? (news.com.au)

• And ... in yet another case of law and order, three members of the Newton, Massachusetts Police Department were caught throwing eggs at the home of their superior. (MetroWest Daily News)

• Finally, as the old year passes, we review some of the most overused or misused words in the English language these past twelve months. (The Atlantic Wire)

And that's all the news that fits. As the week goes on, stay tuned, and stay in touch.
 

“I read the news today, oh boy ...” (Christmas Novena Edition)

The connection between Jesse Jackson Jr, dwarfs, and pornography. Michigan union thugs beating a Fox News Contributor. Harry Belafonte on behalf of liberty and justice for all. This and more (if a little later than usual, given our special programming this time of year) from the folks at Pajamas Media.

Meanwhile, elsewhere on planet Earth -- and beyond ...

• "Is this the real life, is this just fantasy?" Is the universe just a computer simulation? (Wow, just like in The Matrix!) Somebody out there is contemplating the Big Questions? (MIT Technology Review)

• Could porcupine quills help us design the next generation of hypodermic needles? The National Academy of Sciences may have the answer. (Smithsonian.com)

• A pig weighing nearly 300 pounds was discovered in the back of a wrecked car in Youngstown, Ohio. (Youngstown Vindicator)

• "Watch out boy, she'll chew you up." Hall & Oates wrote "Maneater" in 1982. Thirty years later comes a report that Oates is accused of biting Hall in the face. (WEWS-TV)

• Finally, if you're wondering what's happened to our alphabet over the last few hundred years, you've probably noticed how it seems that something is missing. Weep no more, as all shall be revealed! (Mental Floss via New Advent)

And that's all the news that fits. As the week goes on, stay tuned, and stay in touch.
 

“I read the news today, oh boy ...” (St Melchiades Day Edition)

See the gas bag of the week, hear the question of the week, and experience the big lie of the week, from Cairo protests to Chris Matthews and the other maniacs at MSNBC, all from the folks at Pajamas Media.

Meanwhile, elsewhere on planet Earth:

• Other comedic voices have followed Jon Stewart into the political fray, as NBC's "Saturday Night Live" has announced that a deal has been reached to avoid the impending "fiscal cliff." (NBC via Hulu)

• Speaking of kicking up a little dust, about $400,000 worth of the gold variety is missing from a Pfizer medical research lab. (St Louis Post-Dispatch)

• And if you thought the United States was in a tizzy over tax hikes, it could only be worse in Swaziland. One of the last absolute monarchies in the world is considering raising the rates on witch doctors. (Reuters)

• Long thought extinct, a 750-limbed creature has been found near Silicon Valley -- and this millipede's got claws and even its own "clothing." Only in California ... (National Geographic)

• Finally, in southwestern France, a certain breed of catfish have demonstrated the next step in their evolution, by jumping on land and eating pigeons. We knew you wouldn't believe it, so here's the video. If they grow legs and walk on land, it proves Darwin was right, and science marches on! (Business Insider)

And that's all the news that fits. As the week goes on, stay tuned, and stay in touch.
 

“I read the news today, oh boy ...” (St Frances Xavier Edition)

With this edition, Nancy Pelosi illustrates her mastery of the Constitution, such as it is. Plus, a naked man on a horse, a Twitter war and a very, VERY, scary chart, all from the folks at Pajamas Media.

Meanwhile, elsewhere on planet Earth:

• This just in from the UN: "One state? Did we say ONE state? Honest, we meant to say two. Really!" (Yahoo! News)

• Your mama told you long ago, that everyone else jumping in a lake was no reason for you to follow. If only she could see what happens now. (LiveScience)

• When a two-year-old in South Carolina went missing, it was their faithful dog who came to the rescue, and protected his charge until the boy was found. (CBS News)

• Meanwhile, other little tykes have a different kind of luck, as the social media has made its mark on his life. That's right, meet Baby Hashtag! (Christian Science Monitor)

• 1967 was the year that the Supreme Court ruled Virginia's law against interracial marriage to be unconstitutional. Forty-five years later, it means that Bigfoot is off the hook! Best wishes to the happy couple, wherever (and whatever) they are. (Newsy)

And that's all the news that fits. As the week goes on, stay tuned, and stay in touch.
 

“I read the news today, oh boy ...” (Post-Thanksgiving Edition)

A scientist argues that our early hunter-gatherer ancestors may have been smarter than modern day humans. Is your average ancient Athenian even smarter than your typical computer scientist? Find out (or be even more confused, take your pick) by listening to this august panel from Pajamas Media.

Meanwhile, elsewhere on planet Earth:

• First, the bad news. Guess what has passed Justin Bieber's "Baby" as the most watched video of all time. (Billboard)

• A postcard has just arrived in Elmira, New York, which is not remarkable in itself, except that it was sent in 1943. (Elmira Star-Gazette via AP)

• Speaking of messages, at least that one could be read. In the UK, the remains of a carrier pigeon dating to World War II have been found, with a message that may never be deciphered. See for yourself. (ABC News)

• Meanwhile, in the world of somewhat more advanced technology, the world's oldest original working digital computer, about the size of an SUV, finally gets a reboot. (BoingBoing.net)

• Finally, and while the leaves are still falling, don't try this at home. (The Sideshow)

And that's all the news that fits. As the week goes on, stay tuned, and stay in touch.
 

“I read the news today, oh boy ...” (Mid-November Edition)

This past week, Governor Chris Christie warned that tax hikes are coming to New Jersey. Has Christie always been a closet Democrat or has Hurricane Sandy left him with little choice? Also featured are Obama's plans to increase welfare spending, in addition to Congressman Paul Ryan's warning to the President, all brought here by the folks at Pajamas Media.

Meanwhile, elsewhere on planet Earth:

• NYC Mayor Bloomberg may have put a limit on soft drink servings at fast food joints, but will he do the same for alcohol after this gets out? (AP)

• And speaking of limits on soda, here's one that defies all limits, as Japan is introduced to a new variety of Pepsi with fat-blocking ingredients. (Forbes)

• In the wake of the political elections here in the States, from across the pond comes word that the annual World's Biggest Liar competition is underway (AP)

• And speaking of politics, is Governor Christie of New Jersey getting more attention than he can handle? Hurricane Sandy, Saturday Night Live, and now, Twinkies??? (AP)

• Finally, and speaking of Sandy, there may be people in New Jersey and Long Island still without power, but they managed to save some pelicans who were caught up in the fury. Who doesn't love pelicans? (Reuters)

And that's all the news that fits. As the week goes on, and the traffic out of town gets even worse, stay tuned, and stay in touch.
 

“I read the news today, oh boy ...” (Veterans Day Edition)

This week, in lieu of our usual segment, Bill Whittle reflects the morning after last week's election, which is a bit depressing to watch. On the other hand, we can rest assured that the First Lady can be proud of her country for another four years, while taking more vacations to other countries at our expense. Isn't that the least we can do?

Meanwhile, elsewhere on planet Earth:

• We all know how annoying those Facebook games are, but in at least one case, they helped a woman find a new kidney. (WGCL-TV)

• In the city of Walton, Kentucky, the race for a seat on the city council was tied, and will be decided by a coin toss. If only Robert McDonald's wife had turned up to vote. (The Kentucky Enquirer)

• Speaking of McDonalds, a restaurant by that name in West Virginia flew the American flag upside down the morning after the election, which is customarily a sign of distress or a call for help. (WTOV-TV)

• Finally, speaking of a call for help, a woman in Kenya gave birth to twin boys, whom she named Barack Obama and Mitt Romney. (The Standard)

And that's all the news that fits. As the week goes on, stay tuned, and stay in touch.
 

“I read the news today, oh boy ...” (Guy Fawkes Day Edition)

Michael Moore produced a profanity laced pro-Obama commercial. Check it out here, with the appropriate deletion of expletives. Also, find out what one man did during Hurricane Sandy. Plus, does alcohol make you smarter? All this and more from our very close and personal friends at Pajamas Media.

Meanwhile, elsewhere on planet Earth:

• Comedian and Brooklyn native Chris Rock has a special message for white voters. Only he or Dave Chappelle would have thought of this. (Jimmy Kimmel Live)

• Win the lottery lately? A woman in San Bernadino, California, had a ticket worth $23 million stuffed in her car for months, until a surveillance camera photo of the ticket's purchase surfaced on the Internet. (Reuters)

• Why did the salmon cross the road? Well, in Mason County, Washington, the roads were flooded, and the dogs were waiting. We've got the video. (KOMO-TV)

• "If I could talk to the animals, learn their languages," would Korean be one of them, at least among elephants? (The Discovery Channel)

• Speaking of talking animals, they found a whale that can mimic human voices -- or maybe it's just making fun of us. (The Christian Science Monitor)

• Finally, you may not be able to predict the future, but apparently your body can. Or something. (Live Science)

And that's all the news that fits. As the week goes on (you know, the one where anything can happen), stay tuned, and stay in touch.
    

“I read the news today, oh boy ...” (Frankenstorm Edition)

Some thuggish Obama supporters beat the son of a Wisconsin State Senator. Hear why. Plus, Stephen Green brings you the details about Sandra Fluke's impressive rally in Ohio, and more, from the folks at Pajamas Media.

Meanwhile, elsewhere on planet Earth:

• Halloween will soon be upon us, and a man in San Luis Obispo, California, is determined to lose his head over it, and make sure others get to see it. (Neatorama)

• Ronald McDonald violated a court order by following his ex-wife into a McDonald's restaurant. Obviously there's more to this story. After all, who knew he was even married? (ThisIsKent)

• Those who visit Rome for the first time discover something special in the air -- to be exact, traces of cocaine and marijuana, also discovered in seven other Italian cities. (LA Times)

• Speaking of something in the air, someone is revising the story of "the night before Christmas," with Santa giving up smoking his pipe. Is nothing sacred for this holiday season? (New York Post)

• Finally, this may be worth passing along to Mayor Bloomberg as an affordable housing solution for the Big Apple, as a house five feet wide has been built in Poland. (Metro)

And that's all the news that fits. As the week goes on, stay tuned, and stay in touch.
 

“I read the news today, oh boy ...” (Late October Edition)

Why is Romney a threat to the porn industry? What does MSNBC need to know about the laws of physics? Who told the biggest lie of the week? How about that Benghazi thing? Hear the latest from the folks at Pajamas Media.

Meanwhile, elsewhere on planet Earth:

• They say that curiosity killed the cat, but if it discovers a 2000 year old Roman catacomb, its owner can make an exception. (The Guardian)

• They also say that money cannot buy happiness, but a man in Massachusetts who was just dumped by his girlfriend is consoled by winning $30.5 million in the lottery. No word on whether she changed her mind. (The Boston Globe)

• Also on the subject of making a killing, a man in North Dakota sold a twenty-year-old jug of McJordan barbecue sauce to a Chicago buyer for $10,000. (Associated Press)

• Speaking of lotteries, two brothers from New York have claimed a $5 million lottery prize for a scratch-off ticket they bought at their parents' store in Syracuse -- six years ago. (Associated Press)

• In a story that gives new meaning to the phrase "we'll always have Paris," a Jack Russell terrier in France has survived after being poisoned and buried alive. (Associated Press)

• Finally, a northern Michigan man charged with obstructing the police while dressed as Batman has pleaded not guilty. (Petoskey News-Review)

And that's all the news that fits. As the week goes on, stay tuned, and stay in touch.
 

“I read the news today, oh boy ...” (Mid-October Edition)

One of Obama's former classmates says that he claimed to be of royal lineage. All this and more from the folks at Pajamas Media.

Meanwhile, elsewhere on (and this week, above) planet Earth:

• In what could explain a brief reference in the above video, fans of Vice President Joe Biden have started a fundraiser to buy him a Pontiac Trans Am. (indiegogo.com)

• Speaking of fast living, a man in Naples, Florida, crashed a young girl's birthday party, wielding a machete and attempting to steal beer. (Naples Daily News)

• In a completely semi-related story, famous bartender Salvatore Calabrese has broken the world record for creating the most expensive cocktail in history. Most of us would just as soon get a decent used car. (ShortList.com)

• Did vice-presidential challenger Congressman Paul Ryan seat the "bean story" from the late Kurt Cobain? Is there copyright protection for baby nicknames now? What's up with that? (Newsy)

• Finally, this writer was at church on Sunday morning, and only after leaving was among the last to learn about THIS! Cue the second video. (AP)

And that's all the news that fits. As the week goes on, stay tuned, and stay in touch.
 

“I read the news today, oh boy ...” (Columbus Day Edition)

Vice President Joe Biden promises that every American will have a free rectal exam, just as President Obama encourages men and women to vote like their "lady parts" depend on it. (Huh?) Hear about these stories and more from the folks at Pajamas Media.

Meanwhile, elsewhere in the universe:

• Long, long ago, in a galaxy far, far away, nobody could read. (TOR.com)

... while closer to planet Earth:

• Ohio State quarterback is quoted on Twitter saying that he should only come to college to play football because "we ain't come to play SCHOOL." Obviously. (Deadspin)

• In Russia, an eleven-year-old boy found a woolly mammoth. Fortunately, it was already dead -- for 30,000 years. (Daily Mail)

• Speaking of the dead, zombies are now teaching CPR in public services announcements. What will those wacky Canadians do next? (Heart & Stroke Foundation)

• Finally, with the fall wedding season underway, did you hear about the wedding in Yorkshire with thirty bridesmaids? Their outfits don't appear to match, which should take some of the pressure off. (Daily Mail)

And that's all the news that fits. As (what's left of) the week goes on, stay tuned, and stay in touch.
 

“I read the news today, oh boy ...” (First Monday In October Edition)

The President has better things to do than deal with an economic crisis in Europe and rage in the Middle East. He would rather be "eye candy" for the ladies on The View. In other news, Chris Matthews gets the Bush unemployment numbers wrong, and Michelle Obama tries to starve school children (who are beginning to revolt), all this and more from the folks at Pajamas Media.

Meanwhile, elsewhere on planet Earth:

• More than a century before Photoshop, one of the first wartime photographs from 1855 may have been faked. Now they tell us. (Radiolab)

• Speaking of recreations, a man in Vermont has a lawn sculpture depicting one of the great defensive plays in baseball history. (Seven Days)

• A man in Sacramento came home one day to find that a homeless woman broke into the house to take a shower. (CBS Sacramento)

• It gets better. Besides taking a shower, she tried to make off with the man's car keys, his son's allowance, and ... “She ate the last Pop-Tart!” Have these people no shame??? (New York Daily News)

• Finally, a rare albino whale has been spotted off the coast of Australia. That's the good news. That bad news is, it's not Moby Dick. (Yahoo! News)

And that's all the news that fits. As the week goes on, stay tuned, and stay in touch.
 

“I read the news today, oh boy ...” (National Punctuation Day Edition)

The White House finally came clean about those "little" embassy protests. Also, did striking Chicago teachers idolize an anti-gay bigot? Hear the details about these stories, plus Obama's lavish party with Jay-Z and Beyoncé, from the folks at Pajamas Media.

If you want to know more about the "scary-@$$ chart of the week" (and you really do), click here. Meanwhile, elsewhere on planet Earth.

• He was living in British Columbia, going on with his life. She was from Ireland. They only met for two minutes, and she was gone. That was not enough for him, and so, in the words of Sherlock Holmes: "The game is afoot!" (The Independent)

• And speaking of impending heartbreak, this sounds familiar, doesn't it? A 77-year-old Montreal man won $16.9 million in the lottery in 2009, but his life since has been mired with lawsuits and untimely deaths in his family (Sun News)

• Think it couldn't be worse? Well, brace yourselves! A guy in Washington state has been charged with stealing a rare coin collection worth $100,000 and spending the coins at face value on a movie and pizza with his girlfriend. (The Columbian)

• And speaking of priorities, a father in Massachusetts is upset with his daughter's school. Seems she injured herself in gym class, and they called him before calling 911. Can you say "protocol"? (WCVB-TV)

• Finally, are you one of those people who thinks an ellipsis is when the moon moves in front of the sun? Then be warned that this is National Punctuation Day, when we stop and take a moment to recognize the importance in our lives, of crossing those T's and dotting those I's. "Every jot and tittle" has its place in keeping our world from descending into total chaos. And who other than those jokers at Occupy Wall Street wants that anyway? (Wikipedia)

That's all the news that fits. As the week goes on, stay tuned, and stay in touch.
 

“I read the news today, oh boy ...” (Mid-September Edition)

Why is Chuck Todd more upset with Mitt Romney than with the radical Islamists who raped and murdered US Ambassador J Christopher Stevens? (That does it! He's no longer one of my faves among the "Big Three." But Jake Tapper still is, for the moment.) Also, hear about the radical occupiers who threatened to blow up a bridge, and more, from those zany madcaps at Pajamas Media.

Meanwhile, elsewhere on planet Earth:

• Some of you may remember this writer's visit to Seattle last month. Well, guess who didn't get out of town a moment too soon? It appears that local citizens may be tired of sharing their city with tourists. (KING-TV)

• Here's something to think about the next time you eat watermelon. If you like peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, you might be a racist. Why aren't they teaching these things in the ... oh, wait. (politicaloutcast.com)

• If you're ever in Tazewell County, Virginia, beware of the sheriff and his trusty Facebook page. A sex offender wanted in Maryland was caught there after his girlfriend "liked" their page. Wait, this guy has a girlfriend? (WJHL-TV)

• Finally, a school in Colorado confiscated a student's rosary, claiming it was a gang symbol. In fact, we reported on this very thing four years ago today. Maybe Catholicism is finally going "gangsta." As was the case then, representatives of both The Jets and The Sharks still could not be reached for comment. (Fox News)

And so, that's all the news that fits. As the week goes on, stay tuned, and stay in touch.
 

“I read the news today, oh boy ...” (Pre-9/11 Edition)

It's another Monday morning, but without the usual blogospheric roundup from Pajamas Media, we present another of their contributors, Bill Whittle, in a video from this time last year, where he defends American foreign policy and counterterrorist strategy in the years since 9/11.

Meanwhile, elsewhere on planet Earth:

• Who said romance is dead? A Russian man wanted to see if his girlfriend really did love him to death, so he faked his, and it worked. (Orange)

• Speaking of romance not dying, a photo of an unidentified couple kissing as they are being handcuffed could be the basis for an upcoming film. (NY Daily News)

• A mother in China cannot tell her quadruplets apart, so she numbered them by shaving the numbers on their heads. They'll never get to sit with the cool kids now. (News.com.au)

• Speaking of winning numbers: "Buddy, can you spare five bucks?" A man in North Carolina has the answer, and was handing out five-spots to celebrate his birthday. (WXII-TV)

Well, that's all the news that fits. As the week goes on, stay tuned, and stay in touch.
 

“I read the news today, oh boy ...” (Terrible Traffic Tuesday Edition)

Crosby, Stills, Nash & Armstrong? No, but that didn't prevent NBC from announcing the passing of Neil Young, not Neil Armstrong. Hear more about this story, plus Obama's reelection troubles, and Hillary Clinton's absence from the DNC, courtesy of those wacky wonks at Pajamas Media.

Meanwhile, elsewhere on planet Earth:

• With a few months left in yet another Year of the Apocalypse, consider the prospects of an electricity-free refrigerator, and no, we don't mean one that uses kerosene. (Gizmodo.com)

• Speaking of alternative power, as one who read issues of Popular Science as a boy, and of innovations for the future that would never see the light of day, here's one that might in spite of itself. (PopSci.com)

• In another case of getting off the ground, an eighth-grader from Walton, New Hampshire, took his own science project to new heights, and he's got the video to prove it. (WMUR-TV)

• From new heights, we go to new lows, as a couple from Plymouth, Devon, in the UK, discover a well underneath their house dating to the late Middle Ages, something the seller neglected to mention when they bought the house -- twenty-five years ago. (London Telegraph)

• Finally, with state and county fair season underway, be sure when you're in Iowa to try their double bacon fried corn dogs. (Makes your arteries harder just thinking about it. Yum!) (Des Moines Register)

And that's all the news that fits. As (what's left of) the week goes on, stay tuned, and stay in touch.
 

“I read the news today, oh boy ...” (End-Of-August Edition)

Liberal pundit Touré accused every Republican of being racist. Senator Barbara Boxer thinks that Republicans hate women. More on these stories, including the mythical Obama recovery, and a good old-fashioned cat fight, from the folks at Pajamas Media.

Meanwhile, elsewhere on planet Earth:

• A man in Portland, Oregon, who hadn't been drinking in years, decided after hitting the hard stuff again, to sleep it off in a dumpster, which was followed by the ride home he didn't expect. (The Sideshow)

• Speaking of bad timing, a man in Nevada was watching The Bourne Legacy in the theater, when the gun he was carrying fell from his pocket and went off, hitting him in ... (The Atlantic Wire)

• In yet another case of bad timing, a family of four was stranded at the airport in Salt Lake City for six days. They won't be flying JetBlue again, you can count on it! (ABC4.com)

• Closer to home, a farmer in Fauquier County, Virginia (the heart of fox-hunting country) is facing stiff fines for hosting ... a birthday party. Is nothing sacred, even in the Old Dominion? (HotAir.com)

• Finally, a case of good timing, for patrons at a Denny's Restaurant outside of Sacramento, California, where an anonymous customer paid the tab for everybody in the house. (KCRA-TV)

And that's all the news that fits. As the week goes on, stay tuned, and stay in touch.
 

“I read the news today, oh boy ...” (Mid-August Edition)

Joe Biden forgot what century it was, and the New York Times celebrated the death of a Chick-fil-A executive (which is pretty sick if you think about it, and that leaves out most people). Did Congresswoman Nancy Pelosi see a ghost? Find out. Plus, hear more about Democratic protests, birth control, Paul Ryan, and more from our pals at Pajamas Media.

Meanwhile, elsewhere on planet Earth:

• It has been announced that Rio de Janeiro will host the 2016 Olympics. In anticipation, a 24-year-old construction worker there has survived a 6-foot metal bar falling from above and piercing his head. That's gotta count for something. (AP)

• And speaking of the Olympics, a Finnish teenager beat its gold-medalist javelin-throwing record by 17 meters, with an old Nokia cellphone. (Reuters)

• If you think that's news, try this: two brothers from the Hudson Valley area have found a new medium for advertising, one that is impossible to ignore, or, sooner or later, do without. (Journal-News)

• And finally, for those who love happy endings, a man in Braintree, Massachusetts, ordered one kind of lottery ticket from a vendor, but was mistakenly given another. It gets better. (AP)

And that's all the news that fits. As the week goes on, stay tuned, and stay in touch.