“I read the news today, oh boy ...” (Saint Matthias’ Day Edition)

Congress woman Jackie Speier debates diplomatic spending with Nice Peter and Kassem G, with a little help from their friends, The Gregory Brothers, while a variety of pundits and politicians bemoan the biggest dangers of 2014: zoo closures, marijuana legalization, and texting.

(Of course, she forgets that you can only afford steak, and maybe a shot of vodka, while on official government travel, if you spend your per diem allowance wisely. Not sure about caviar, though.)

Meanwhile, elsewhere on planet Earth:

• Did you know that there were still woolly mammoths walking the face of the aforementioned planet when the Pyramids were built? It might explain how all those big-@$$ bricks got moved. [Kottke]

• Every woman has her price, and this concerned mother in Provo, Utah, was sufficiently offended by tee-shirts in a display window to lay it on the line. [Provo Daily Herald]

• Another mother lays it on the line, as the First Lady gives us all fair warning, that almost-sixteen-year-old Malia Obama will soon be learning to drive a car when she's not whining about having to live in the White House. (If they're smart, they'll limit her to the roads of Camp David. God help that Secret Service detail if they don't.) [Politico]

• In a related story of women getting behind the wheel, here's where the latest trend in hot biker chicks can be found. [The Daily Beast]

• Closer to home, "I've heard lots of students say Blended Learning helps them to understand it more because you can digest in the information at your own paste and go back for seconds, thirds, and fourths." That was written by a high school student. His money is as good as anyone else's to get into the Art Institute of Washington -- but that's another story. [New York Post]

• Speaking of the use of the English language, such has become the lingua franca of the world of business, but not if the snotty-pants French have anything to say about it. Zut alors! [PolicyMic]

• Finally, we note the passing of comedic actor, writer, and director Harold Ramis at the age of 69, in a manner which he might have done himself (and did, apparently), with this 1977 scene from Second City TV, where he plays the part of Moe Green in a public service announcement on the seven warning signs of death. (H/T to Steven Schloeder via Brett Graham Fawcett.) [SCTV]

And that's all the news that fits. As the week goes on, stay tuned, and stay in touch.