“I read the news today, oh boy ...” (Saint Gabriel the Archangel Edition)

Did you know that a recent study showed that 95 percent of all grandfathers who got their first and only job by walking right up to the top guy and asking for one? Sure brings back memories. (Sigh ...)

Meanwhile, elsewhere on planet Earth:

• A Florida zoning board member brought a community meeting to an awkward halt when she used a stiff-armed gesture to compare a village official to Hitler. Apparently she's a Democrat, which means she pulled it off by blaming George Bush (which still works, by the way). [Western Journalism]

• In the world of fashion, young men are starting to wear something called "meggings," which is leggings for men. They can call it whatever they want, but what it needs is a well-hung codpiece, and then you're all set for the next Renaissance Fair. [Elite Daily]

• It started in Crimea, and the world's got a fee-vah, and the only cure is secession, and it's spreading to ... Venetia. (Sorry, we had to make it rhyme.) [Daily Mail]

• The "MacGyver Emergency Toolkit" is reminiscent of those survival kits we made in Boy Scouts using metal tins that contained throat lozenges. Pretty cool. [Gizmodo]

• Finally, a woman is found on a deserted island after being stranded for seven years. You'll never guess how. [NewsHound]

• THIS JUST IN! Well, guess who says the above is a hoax. Here's a clue; they're not always right. We report, you decide. [Snopes]

And that's all the news that fits. As the week goes on, stay tuned, and stay in touch.