“I read the news today, oh boy ...” (Shrove Tuesday Edition)

Did the Oscars you wanted to win win? Yeah, welcome to reality. Uncle Jay explains how Hollywood is sort of the best way to think of the news. If only world problems could be solved in two hours. He says he'll be back next week with another edition. (Uh huh, just like he told us about last week.)

Meanwhile, elsewhere on planet Earth:

• It's on the record, folks. The finest restaurant in America is in Hawai'i. “I wanna go back to my little grass shack in ... ” no, not Kealakekua. [Sploid]

• Speaking of bargains, if you think college costs too much, Dom Bettinelli has a deal for you at only sixty grand. [Bettnet]

• Meanwhile, far from the aforementioned little grass shack, there's a donut shop that won't sell donuts. What's up with that? [Huffington Post]

• Elsewhere in academia, you can learn the secret of getting total nonsense into a respectable scientific journal. And you thought "global warming" was the only scam going. [Slate]

• Public schools are becoming more draconian every year. A school in Idaho decided to crack down on overzealous parents by banning cheering at a youth basketball game. (Video included, just not here.) [Fox News]

• In another big move, there's a proposal to split California into six parts, maybe to make it harder for it to slide into the ocean. You can almost hear people in the northern counties say it now: “Goodbye, San Andreas, it’s somebody else's fault.” [Aleteia]

• Sorry, this one simply defies description. [NY Daily News]

• Finally, who would have thought that IKEA sold billboards? Well, they don't, but if they did ... [DesignTaxi]

And that's all the news that fits. As the week goes on, stay tuned, and stay in touch.