Saturday, August 14, 2010

Crazy Time Revisited

Sometimes I get a comment worthy of more attention than usual. In fact, that I get ANY comment is worthy of more attention than usual. Whatever. Here it is.

+    +    +

As the author of Ex-wife to Exceptional Life and a psychotherapist in practice for 25+ years, I would like to comment on why my book is specifically for women. While it is absolutely true that men suffer as much as women through and after the process, the experience is different for women in the following three ways- Economically women still suffer more from divorce than men do. Secondly, women still maintain the majority of the responsibility for ongoing day to day rigors of child-rearing and lastly, if there is domestic violence, it is more likely to be directed toward the women. Of course, there are exceptions to the above, but these issues make divorce a uniquely different experience for each gender. Certainly, men deal with the financial and parental changes as well.

Writng from the women's perspective does not diminish men's pain. Indeed I encourage women to "take the High Road", maintain paternal involvement and develop respectful discourse.

Abigal Trafford's book is a classic in the field and I would also recommend Rebuilding: When your Relationship Ends by Bruce Fisher. Both address the needs from the perspective of both parties.

Donna F. Ferber, LPC, LADC

+    +    +

Just so we're clear, the point of my earlier piece was not that a book written about divorce is aimed toward women, but that nearly ALL of them are. Inasmuch as roughly half the parties involved in a divorce are men ...

Now, then, it's Saturday, and I'm headed to the race track.


Gail F said...

I think that most people who buy self-help books are women. That might have something to do with why all of these are aimed at women. On the other hand, it might be a great opportunity for someone to write one for men...

David L Alexander said...

I think you're right, Gail. Of the books I handed out over the years, only one of them wen to a man, but I must say that he was the only one who took the time to write me and thank me, telling me how it helped him.

On another subject, I don't have your e-mail address, but I hope this gets to you. I'm planning to visit my family in Cincinnati in early October, and I would love to visit you wherever your station is (the old seminary in Norwood, I believe), or wherever you are, or whoever's there, I ain't too picky.

You know where to find me.