“I read the news today, oh boy ...” (End-Of-July Edition)

Obama thinks his economic policies worked. Is he right? The left is taking shots at Mitt Romney over the treatment of his dog, but at least he never ate dog like President Obama. Hear more. Plus, see the cover-up of the week: CNN blurred the breasts on a Matisse painting. Will Ben Bernanke bailout Obama with QE3?

Meanwhile, elsewhere on Planet Earth:

• The New York Times has revealed the truth about the media that we all knew, that they will only report what You-Know-Who wants them to report. It's all about access. Obviously no one could have seen this coming. (nytimes.com)

• The Boston Red Sox are in last place, and their mascot's costume is missing. There can only be one explanation. This is a devious plot by the New York Yankees to dampen their spirits. Like they need help with that. (Reuters)

• Meanwhile, over in New Jersey, some guy going downhill in a roller coaster was hit in the face by a bird. That happened to yours truly once, only it was while driving a car and it hit the windshield. (Asbury Park Press)

• And speaking of things going downhill, a man in Oregon was arrested and sentenced to 30 days in jail for collecting rainwater in three ponds on his property, or as state water managers called them, “three illegal reservoirs.” (cnsnews.com)

• A group of five guys have had their picture taken as a group every five years for the last thirty years. Have they stood the test of time? Well, they stopped going shirtless, for one thing. (fstoppers.com)

• Finally, you heard this one already, but we're telling you anyway because it's so awesome. An 11-year-old boy was allowed to take a flight to Rome on his own, without showing a passport or boarding pass. He said he was looking for the restroom, and one thing led to another ... (dailymail.co.uk)

And for now, that's all the news that fits. As the week goes on, stay tuned, and stay in touch.